W W T D? — What Would Terry Do?

An Interview with Queen Ella

Reporter: We’d like to ask you some questions about your former life as Cinder Ella.
Queen: How’d you find out? Off with his head! Off with his head! … You again, I thought they cut off your head!
Reporter: They did – it grew back. … Your royal subjects seek your advise on cleaning.
Queen: My, my! Well I don't have any personal experience on that subject, but I do supervise the cleaning personnel for the castle. I’d be delighted to give what advice I can.
Reporter: Do you have any recommendations for what to use for cleaning. I suppose heavy duty detergents and the like …

Queen: No, no! You never use harsh detergents or anything of that sort. Let me see… Ah yes, here’s my recommendations. For cleaning vegetables, you soak them in very dilute hydrogen peroxide. And Laundry, I use, I mean I recommend using Biopac Liquid Laundry Detergent. If there are lots of smells on the clothes, use baking soda and possibly zeolite. Then re-rinse the clothes with white vinegar.
Reporter: Excuse me for interrupting, but what’s a zeolite?
Queen: I see you never worked in the mines. I’ll have to fix that! Zeolite is basically a powdered rock which traps other things, such as smells inside itself. … Now, where was I. Ah yes, for the dishes I recommend Simple Wisdom Fragrance Free Dishwashing soap.
Reporter: Why is Fragrance Free important?
Queen: What a silly question! Do you want your dishes smelling like dishwashing soap or like food? And for hand-washing, I recommend Simple Wisdom Fragrance Free Shampoo and Body Wash. For mirrors I recommend white vinegar, but for glasses I’d just recommend using water or possibly water and a liquid soap. Always dry your glasses and mirrors with a cotton cloth – that’s important!
Reporter: I suppose for vacuuming, you put some carpet freshener on the rug first and then vacuum it.
Queen: Why would you want to throw something on the carpet just to vacuum it up again? Oh, I suppose one could occasionally throw a little zeolite on the carpet to pick up smells and then vacuum it up again. Actually, though, we have no rugs in the castle – all wood and tile floors.
Reporter: Don’t think me rude for asking this, but how do you recommend that one should clean the toilet?
Queen: Nasty job, that! You want it? … Well, first you drop about 4 drops of myrrh in the toilet bowl and tank and then mark the toilet off limits for a day. Then if it’s still a problem, you use a brush and a pumice stick.

Reporter: One last question. Is your real name Grunge Hilda?
Queen: Off with his head! Off with his head!

Book 1
Welcome to My World

Written by Dale Stubbart
Blessed by Terry Stubbart

Page 4 of 6
Nov 2000